I recently had a suggestion from a user who stated he liked my chivalry piece but was tired of hearing how only men (or so it seemed to him) are taught how to comprehend and accept women.
Still, there appears to be very little published about women’s responsibilities to men. And, though I usually believe that each sex should educate their own (i.e., women should advise women and men should notify men).
I will take this occasion (in as humble a manner as possible) to counsel women on how to understand better, and hence better service, the other sex.
It is a collaborative endeavor that can only be completed if both genders work together in an attitude of kindness and compassion.
Each of these ideas is based on my past observation. Others, no doubt, have had different experiences and have different perspectives on these issues.
For those individuals, I would like to welcome you to leave a comment below! The trick here isn’t to generalize and suggest that all men and women are the same.
Disclaimer: These are basic guidelines; deviations will be acknowledged. Furthermore, if you believe in “gender fluidity” (i.e., that there is no significant difference between the sexes), be ready to be disappointed by anything that follows.
Variations can be lovely if they’re appreciated, accepted, and cherished.
Just because a man is silent doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with him
It’s great to inspire males to speak themselves better, but you shouldn’t take their quiet as cause for alarm. Men may be reticent when it comes to their feelings.
It, however, does not have to be seen as an indication of mental illness. It’s occasionally precisely what the doctor prescribed, particularly in an emotionally loaded circumstance.
The best method to influence a man’s behavior is to speak to his highest regard of morality rather than nagging him
If you say to a person that you would like him to complete a specific work and then addressed your requirements as precisely as possible, he will almost certainly finish the job.
If you merely grumble that “he always” or “he never” or “he can’t” do something, he may slink away in frustration, eventually tuning you out.
Instead, take a more upbeat and motivating attitude.
Could you not do what he hasn’t done? Instead, tell him what you want him to do (and be) and how important it is to you.
As much as a woman would prefer for a man to figure it out independently, she must sometimes overcome her pride and tell him exactly what she wants (not just what displeases her).
I know this isn’t the loveliest piece of advice, but you know what’s even less romantic? Getting irritated because a man never seems to understand what you truly desire! He may soon understand this way.
Men are visual beings
Men are visual creatures, especially in front of women. They are not safe when it comes to the visual senses because of whatever reason. This gender difference is a behavioral, physical, and neurologic reality, so please don’t relate it to men.
Nonetheless, some would argue that males should control themselves and that it is their responsibility to do so… and I concur. But, let’s be realistic, why do you want to prey on this particular flaw in men.
Men have a happy place where they can be themselves
Men are sometimes criticized for not being in contact with their emotions, which is somewhat true. However, I would suggest that it is not so simple to define.
Men, like women, are deeply emotional… they exhibit it in a different way than women. When things grow too much for them to stomach, they tend to gravitate towards something I enjoy instead of expressing their feelings externally.
This is frequently a nostalgic destination, a location where sunlight and enjoyment reign supreme. For some, this area may be gazing at the television for an hour (or two); for others, it may entail listening to 80s music (no names here), and for still others, it may just be viewing old sports videos from the past.
Men have a natural desire to visit the realm of “la-la,” but be cautious, particularly if he begins to spend far too much time there.
Men need to be away, and they may even need to be distant at times (which is why I believe men spend so much time with an object called a “remote”), but if that is what ultimately defines their identity, there is cause for concern.
Men are just as serious about their play as they are about their work
On the appearance, a man’s analysis of sporting events, argues with friends all night, plays video games, or participates in any other “non-essential” activity may appear to be the ultimate exercise in frustration. But you must realize that a favorite sports team or a particular project is not frivolous to him.
Yes, in the big scheme of things, this passion will not provide food or save the world, but for him, it symbolizes (in some fundamental sense) a creative outlet that helps him to accomplish- in a far more courageous way- those activities that are judged necessary.
You don’t have to agree with everything he stands for, but recognizing what this means to him may help you from dismissing it as another of his worthless follies.
Even if their passion is entirely mystifying to you, like my wife’s enthusiasm in shopping, showing a little passion and inquiry in what your spouse is engaged in can go a ways away.
Work and worth are synonymous in men’s minds
It isn’t to say that men prefer to be uncomfortable at work; instead, there are some things that men despise more than being unhappy.
While neither sex considers unemployment a positive experience, a man equates homelessness with meaninglessness (even if he is hesitant to work).
Women feel that their individuality is knit into the very fabric of their being due to their basic human beneficence.
Men may create a strong sense of self, but in general, they lag behind women in this regard. Men frequently find their feeling of mission in their jobs and the families who rely on them.
Men are more likely to be content if they believe they are appreciated in these domains. Men require love, but they also need the sensation of being respected for what they contribute to the table.
And none of this is unrelated to the seemingly unending advertising claiming to help men increase their testosterone.
The degree to which a man feels “powerless” in some vital part of his life is the degree to which sadness can set in.
So, what’s the big deal about all of this?
Because when men regard themselves as powerless and inconsequential failures, bad things happen to them and everyone in their immediate vicinity.
The least “manly” a man feels, the more prone he is to sadness and aggressive behavior. Notice that the type of manliness I’m talking about here isn’t mistaken with “machismo,” which is a form of fake masculinity, but rather with the kind of manliness connected with great virtue.
Men must be aware of their importance
One of cyberfeminism’s goals is to show males that they are not required and that females are entirely self-sufficient.
Do we need the campaign to show all of this, my lord?
Ladies now can and do anything that males can. While desirable in many respects, it has not always resulted in the desired outcomes.
Why? Because merely doing whatever you want isn’t enough to make you happy. We want both genders to help each other become the most acceptable forms of them to be happy (and to improve as human beings).
Only the female and male principles, working together, can bring about the essential balance that the planet so sorely needs (quite Trinitarian, if you ask me).
It, however, will not be possible until both sexes begin to listen to one another and cease acting like mortal enemies. Indeed, our world is beginning to resemble an especially amusing rendition of Annie Get Your Gun.
We’ve got anything; you don’t like us; you can take care of anything yourself… Is that, however, the point? I’m only trying to draw attention to something which women frequently do to males.
If you genuinely want to know what a man requires to be pleased, here, it is: we have to see that you need my services, and, more significantly, that you desire my heroic assistance… and that, even though there are men who make things worse, my existence in the world may make a good influence.
So let us do those small stupid things for you and help me happy loved (even if you make me feel far more loved than you should… I’m thinking of ridiculous things like murdering insects as if I were a thief who had broken into the house illegally). It will matter a lot more often than you realize.
Men will gladly comply if you treat them like children
If moms do everything for their young sons, for example, they will never learn to serve you as a man. And if ladies do everything for their men, they will gladly stand aside while you do all.
I’m not suggesting that mothers/wives should do nothing with the men in their lives; instead, if women do everything for men, men will never learn to serve.
In this situation, women’s giving can be viewed as a greedy vice in the broader scheme of things. Most of the time, giving is preferable to receiving, but receiving is preferable to give in this circumstance.
It may seem unusual to be charged with providing too much (Martha, Martha), yet it can be a genuine fault, significantly if it hinders others from continuing to serve; I do everything for him, yet he won’t help me.
Meanwhile, you keep doing everything, and he keeps being a narcissist, and the only certainty you have is that he is selfish while you are giving.
True, your habit is more compassionate than his, but you participate in his shame if you never ask for more.
Whatever you do, don’t lower the moral standard in your connection with him if you have high standards
This is a natural inclination, mainly because men frequently pressurize women to reduce their expectations. And women may fear missing out on a “good man” if they set the bar too high. It is a falsehood, and you should not trust it.
One of the most significant ways to determine a man’s mind is to see if he has any self-control and, more importantly, whether he has sufficient regard for your honesty.
I am not suggesting that you use yourself as bait, but rather that you recognize that he may see you as such if you do not ask more of him.
While you do leave yourself more vulnerable to being dumped on account of this, do you want to remain with a man who would abandon you because you recognize the beauty and power of sex?
A man who is prepared to exercise self-control and push himself on this account, on the other side, is considerably more likely to exhibit similar virtues in the future.
Furthermore, guys who are prepared to exercise self-control in this area are significantly more likely to channel their pent-up energies into sexual activities than simply being brazen.
The only way to enter the man’s heart is indeed through his stomach.
I used to dismiss this maturity adage, but after getting engaged, I discovered how accurate it was (in part because my wife is such an incredible cook).
Even if you don’t know how to cook, there is a significant truth to be shown here. Men are solitary beings, and even when they are fortunate enough to have a spouse, they can feel alone at times.
As a result, women must recognize that if a man’s solitary side isn’t looked to, he might become miserable and lost.
To put it another way, a guy requires maternal warmth to feel a connection and care for. If he doesn’t get that warmth, he can be motivated to seek it in ways that are harmful to his most meaningful allies.
On the other hand, men are susceptible to these temptations after having children or when their partner is away all the time.
You could argue that this is true in both directions, but it is especially true for a guy because her female existence is the key to him feeling linked to his mission in life. Just thinking about it makes me feel lonely, so let’s move on.
Men don’t want to hear about your issues; they want to help you solve them
When a woman needs to rant to a male about something, the discussion can quickly devolve into a game of “Who’s on First?” He is trying to find a solution, while a woman is hoping for a few words of support.
Paradoxically, the irritation has migrated from the original cause of the problem to the couples’ mutual misunderstandings at the end of the conversation.
This failure in communications can be overcome by actually accepting that both parties need to broaden their horizons.
Men must realize that their wives/lady companions are not formulas to be answered, but rather issues to be repaired, similar to Maria.
And women must recognize that whining can only go so far—and that, as enjoyable as it is to “vent,” there is something much better.
Men are more likely to notice the forest, but women are more likely to see the trees
Women are more likely to be personalistic in their interactions with the environment, whereas males are more likely to consider the more excellent logic of a circumstance.
For example, when I was teaching middle school (in a galaxy far, far away), I caught a kid on a take-home test cheating on another.
When the parents of the worst offenders were called to a conference, the mom attempted to defend her child’s action by claiming ignorance and misunderstanding on her side, while the husband checked the two tests and stated, moderately agitated, “Yeah, but the exams are identical… she duplicated it.”
Everyone needs anybody to fight for them, but we also need someone to hold us accountable to a higher level. Knowing that anyone understands and cares about us is essential to living a good life.